Are You Thinking of Having an Alternative Funeral? Because They Are Here To Stay!
Here in the UK, when people hear the word funeral, they often imagine hushed religious venues or crematoria, dark suits, sombre words and solemn faces. But more and more, families are realising that a farewell doesn’t have to follow what we consider to be tradition .
A funeral can be as unique and full of character as the person we’re saying goodbye to.
Take, for example, a recent celebration of life I was part of for a wonderful gentleman who wanted his funeral held… in his local pub. Yes, you read that right! The place where he’d spent countless happy hours with friends, sharing stories and laughter, became the perfect setting for his final send-off.
Now, while the idea might sound delightfully unconventional (and it was!), pulling together a funeral in a pub does require a bit of creative coordination. From the practicalities of working with the funeral director, to chatting with the family about how they envisioned the day, to liaising with the venue and other suppliers, every step needed a touch of flexibility and a good dose of teamwork.
E’s family were instrumental in curating the space and as the celebrant, I helped them create a ceremony that was heartfelt, funny, and oh so personal, making sure the tone felt right for the man we were honouring. It was him to a tee, a real celebration of the man, indeed the legend, who so many knew and loved.
Let’s look at some of the logistics involved in planning an alternative funeral…
Collaborating with the Family
First and foremost, from the celebrant perspective, it is about being the right celebrant for the family. Not every celebrant is comfortable working in an alternative manner, so it is imperative that celebrant and family match in energy and vision.
When I met with E’s family, they already had a very strong vision of what they wanted to achieve, and I was able to bring a couple of suggestions to the table that complimented and enhanced the plans they already had in place.
As their celebrant I was able to reassure them with a resounding yes, it was absolutely okay to do it their way and I visited the pub a couple of times ahead of the funeral so that I knew the space I was working with and the set up for the day. (So yes, there is a little bit more work for the celebrant than at a crem and our prices should reflect this)
Family members had already written their words, some to be read by me, some they were comfortable reading themselves. My role was to hold space for them, open and close the ceremony and ensure we ran to time.
Working with the Funeral Director
Holding E’s funeral in a pub was a first for everyone involved, including the funeral director.
There are no legal restrictions in how, where or when you hold a funeral…
You do, however need to find a funeral director who is open minded and flexible. The family had already had the conversation about the timing of E’s arrival, the service and his departure and the FD had visited the venue ahead of time to look at access, both vehicular and accessibility to the actual venue. (It would make it nigh on impossible trying to arrange a funeral where there are stairs or tight openings to negotiate!).
The Order of Service and white roses were placed on each chair before ‘E’ was paged in and placed in pride of place on the stage with his flowers and photo. All the dignity and ritual you would expect from any other funeral was observed in full.
Choosing the Perfect Venue
A pub might not be the first place that springs to mind for a funeral, but for E’s family, it made perfect sense. Many a night had been enjoyed there with friends and family, and conveniently there is an easily accessible function room at the rear of the pub with a stage.
The family arranged the seating and sound system with a tv video link, lectern and microphone, getting it all set up the day before and to ensure it was all working properly we did a quick sound check before the ceremony started.
Because we were in a pub, mourners were able to have a drink beforehand and bring one through to the ceremony space if they so wished. The result ? A far more relaxed , comfortable atmosphere that felt just right .
Bringing It All Together
We shared stories, memories, poetry and videos over the course of an hour. Because we had no restrictions, we could really take our time to truly honour E.
Immediately after the ceremony, the family laid their roses and the other mourners were then asked to bring theirs to the front and lay them on the stage and then encouraged to write messages on post-it notes which joined the roses and travelled with E on his final journey earthside a few days later.
It was warm, personal, and perfectly balanced with emotion and humour, laughter, music, memories, and storytelling, with minimal formality. In short: a true celebration of E’s life.
A Farewell True to Him
A colourful character deserves a colourful send off. And this was very much what we achieved.
Mourners brought living plants for the family to plant in the garden in E’s memory…another beautiful and sustainable tribute, different from the norm.
As the last song played and the sound of laughter filled the pub, it was clear this wasn’t just a funeral, it was a celebration of a life lived exactly as he’d wanted. There were tears, of course, but they were mixed with smiles, and laughter, and before he left the building one final toast as glasses were raised in his honour.
Every detail , from the setting to the stories shared reflected the man he was…down-to-earth, funny, and full of life.
What struck me most was how right it felt. By stepping away from tradition, his family created something deeply personal and healing. It reminded everyone there that a funeral doesn’t have to follow a set script, it really can be a true reflection of the person we’re saying goodbye to.
So, if you’ve ever thought, “I’d like an alternative funeral when my time comes,” take this as your sign. Whether it’s in a pub, a woodland, a garden, or your favourite seaside spot, your farewell can be as unique, warm, and wonderful as the life you’ve lived.
(photos shared with kind permission from the family)
The celebrant: Michelle Funky Celebrant.
The venue: The Gardeners Arms Pub
The Funeral Directors: Southgate & Roberts
For more information and ideas about how we can work together get in touch now
I can’t wait to work with you and create something funky and magical.
