Let me start by gently saying this first, because it needs saying:
Planning a wedding is a lot, it’s even more when you’re living with mental ill health
Let’s be fair, trying to plan anything right now with so much going on in the world ( and with this depressing weather) is hard for everyone.
Planning a celebration while living with mental ill health can feel like trying to climb Yr Wyddfa (Snowdon) in flip flops in the mud, while everyone else seems to be skipping up in hiking boots in the sun.
And yet… when we open the countless apps, social media groups or the glossy magazines we are bombarded with things like: “Enjoy every second!” “This should be the happiest time of your life!”
“Just stay organised!”
Which as we all know, is lovely in theory… and utterly useless when you’re staring at a to-do list thinking, I can’t even send one email enquiry today.
So if that’s you …this blog is your starter for one and your permission to do things differently. Because you’re not failing. Your brain just needs a kinder plan.
First things first… you’re not doing it wrong
If you live with depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, PTSD or trauma-related conditions, ADHD or executive dysfunction, autism, chronic stress or burnout or any other mental ill health condition…you may have days (or weeks) where decisions feel impossible, motivation disappears, everything feels overwhelming, simple admin feels enormous… you’re tired to your bones, or the world feels joyless.
That isn’t laziness, it isn’t being dramatic and it isn’t not trying hard enough. It’s literally how mental ill health affects the brain.
So expecting yourself to plan a Pinterest-perfect event with military precision is… frankly… a bit unrealistic. And beating yourself up about it only makes things heavier.
The biggest pitfalls I see (and how to dodge them)
After years as a celebrant, I’ve gently held space for a lot of couples who’ve felt the overwhelm in one form or another.
Here are the 4 most common traps.
1. The comparison spiral
Scrolling Instagram at 11pm thinking:
Why have they sorted everything and I haven’t even booked a florist?
REMEMBER
Social media shows:
The highlight reels and the professional photos as well as more often than not the couples have used planners and /or had big budgets
It does not show:
Panic attacks, crying over spreadsheets, cancelled appointments, or the exhaustion. Comparison steals energy you don’t have spare.
Try doing this instead:
Curate your feed by choosing what apps or groups align with your values and budget or take breaks entirely. Not everything needs to be done straight away, slow down and protect your precious headspace.
2. Decision fatigue overload
Depression and anxiety can make decision-making exhausting.
Now add in the venue hunt, your outfits. Are you having readings or symbolic rituals? What are you serving your guests, how many and who are you inviting ?! What’s your colour scheme, what kind of officiant do you want and those all – important napkin shapes (that’s very tongue in cheek!, no one will remember the shade of your napkins, trust me )
No wonder your brain is saying, “nope, no, no way, nu huh”.
Try this instead:
Make fewer decisions…Yes, really! Pick “good enough,” not perfect. Have you thought about choosing packages AND let your suppliers decide on the finer details?
Say “surprise me” more often or limit your options to 2-3 …max. You don’t get a medal for doing everything yourself or manually.
3. Trying to do it all yourself
When your energy levels fluctuate DIY’ing everything can become a fast track to burnout. But there’s this weird wedding guilt culture of thinking you need to be perfect and make or design absolutely everything !
Says who?
Try this instead:
Boss it like a total badass and delegate like…a boss.
You’ll find that friends and family often want to help but don’t know how so give them real jobs to do for you like chasing RSVPs…get the organiser in your group (there’s always at least one) to help herd those stray responders. Get the music buff to help build your playlist. Everyone likes to help with the décor set-up the day before or on the morning of. And if you are DIY’ing… get them crafting some bits for you.
Let people show you the love through, and with some practical help.
4. The guilt
This one breaks my heart a bit, “I can’t find any joy in planning my wedding. What’s wrong with me?”
Nothing’s wrong with you.
You can love your partner, want the marriage, and still find the planning hard. Both can be true. Mental health doesn’t magically pause because you’re engaged and planning a wedding. And joy doesn’t have to look like confetti cannons every day. Sometimes joy is just: “I answered sent or replied to one email today and that’s enough.”
Gentle ways to plan that actually work
Here’s what tends to work better for brains that are tired, low, or overwhelmed:
Break everything into tiny steps
For example, don’t plan to book the venue as one task, instead try 3 ( or more)
1. Google venues
2. Email one
3. Follow up with a response when they reply to you another day
Work in short bursts
20- 30 minutes at a time…max.
Then stop.
Your brain isn’t a marathon runner, it’s a sprinter.
Plan around your energy, not a perfect timeline
Have a low-mood week? Pause. There are no wedding police and timelines are guidelines, not laws.
Choose suppliers who feel safe
This matters more than all of the aesthetics.
You want people who reply kindly, don’t pressure, understand flexibility and don’t make you feel silly, some of us have done the work, seek them out.
Shameless celebrant truth…you deserve suppliers who feel like warm hugs.
Keep the celebration aligned with YOU
Big weddings aren’t mandatory.
If your mental health says…’Please don’t make me host 120 people’…Listen! Because small, cosy and meaningful often beats big and overwhelming.
And I personally love an elopement, small, intimate and personable.
And here’s the most important bit for me…
If you spend this whole engagement feeling a bit wobbly, occasionally tearful, sometimes exhausted and not constantly glowing…You haven’t ruined anything.
You’re human. The goal isn’t to be the most organised couple in Britain. The goal is to arrive at the day feeling, “Okay. This feels like us.”
That’s it. Not perfect. Just real.
A final gentle reminder from me
Your wedding or celebration isn’t a performance. It’s not a project plan. It’s not a productivity test. It’s a moment to mark love, commitment, family, life. And those things don’t require perfect mental health to be valid.
They just require you. Exactly as you are. On the good days. And the foggy ones. And everything in between.
Mind have produced an excellent guide too if you need any extra help staying on top of your stresses as you plan.
Want to work with me as you start your wedding or event planning journey? Get in touch, let’s have a chat
For more information and ideas about how we can work together get in touch now
I can’t wait to work with you and create something funky and magical.
